hindsight

hindsight, as they say, is supposed to be 20/20. but fuck it. hindsight isnt shit. it doesnt correct anything in the past, and really, doesnt correct anything in the future either. this is because hindsight happens after the fact. so even if you've learned from your mistakes and they have become crystal clear due to said hindsight, the height of an argument is probably not when you will remember what you know and instincts kick in. fight or flight. (for those of you who dont know, this is why most dogs bite. if the option to flee is taken away, i.e. being on a leash or tethered up somewhere, then the only instinct they have left is to fight.) so, being that even humans have the same general instincts as dogs, albeit somewhat more sophisticated, when the option to flee is removed (either someone has taken that away or you dont see it as the best option available), you bare your teeth and growl. furthermore, dogs in the wild will generally only engage in aggressive behavior in order to protect something they value, whether it be food, territory, offspring. i think this is why some people in a relationship will choose to engage in a fight or argument. They don't see fleeing as a viable option because it means losing something important. So what they have left is an irrepressable urge to guard whatever they feel is being threatened, which may surface as aggression. For me, I think this is a way of saying, hey, this is important to me and rather than walk away I want to protect it and i think its worth fighting for, literally. this is where that stupid hindsight kicks in... you fight, and then look back, again, and say "fuck. i knew better." i'm not necessarily saying one way is better than the other, and i commend those who are able to walk away when they are really mad but able to come back when they are calm, because ultimately thats the best way to go. nothing productive comes out of a screaming match. so again, fuck hindsight.

yesterday i did something terrible, and i feel like horseshit today about it. i won't discuss it here because it is a private matter between myself and the other party involved, nor do i feel it necessary to discuss it in a public forum. however, i will say i was a pretty shitty human being yesterday. hindsight does me no favors now, but had i had the foresight to think about what i needed to say and how it needed to be said, and what actions were appropriate versus inappropriate, i wouldnt be in the boat i'm in now. that being said, i say we start a new movement of "foresight being 20/20."