i really cant complain. at all. since ive been in texas, every day gets better and better. i feel like im on vacation. every day. i'm convinced that the reason for this is that it is impossible to feel like life is hard when you wear cut off jean shorts every day. i miss the cold, and sometimes i run my AC way up so that i can get all bundled up and pretend like its cold, but whatever. i GET to live here. i GET to work in a place where people ooh and aaah over all the beautiful bakery items, and i get to stand over them proud-like, as if i'm a curator of a fine art museum. i get to spend my days reading and learning, exploring, growing, getting to know people, etc... i havent been lost in weeks and it feels fabulous. the evenings in austin are what magic is made out of. at dusk, you are pummelled with life from every angle. fireflies, bats overhead, the songs of insects in the trees you dont hear in california, the smell of cooling asphalt, and sunsets that make you stop in your tracks to just stare. i miss california, and i miss my friends and the people that are like friends, but feel lucky as fuck to be here. even when i have a bad day, i am so grateful for this.
seriously. my life is good. i have an austin library card, and am reading a tree grows in brooklyn, and checked out a bunch of old movies which i have never seen before... its a wonderful life, bonnie and clyde, coal miners daughter (im in love with loretta lynn, fyi). ive been reading about addiction and recovery which has been amazing, reading about vampires and contemplating whether or not they actually could exist (and i've concluded that the only beneft to immortality is having enough time to do anything you wanted), reading about true crime, reading about reiki, practicing reiki (which i havent done for awhile and forgot how amazing it is. the healies. i wish i could offer it to every single person in any sort of recovery program.) i get to go on walks and sit by rivers and enjoy the shade. in addition to two jobs and school, which starts monday, i am going to take a french class, a glass blowing class, a tour of famous churches in austin, learn how to shoot a gun, and mmmmaaaaaybe go cave exploring. there is an exhibit at the museum i am really excited to see. i cant find a ballet class i can afford, but im still looking. also, i want to find a band i can sing for. i cant sing great, but i think i can get by. megan says i have gumption, and that gets a person far. you know, cuz once school starts i have so much free time.
i am trying to go to nashville for my birthday, and a road trip to memphis is in the works. i remember a time not so long ago, where i was so plagued with tunnel vision that i thought i only had one thing to look forward to, and now i know thats crazy talk. school starts in 2 days. im going to see the only metal band i like, which happens to be from oakland on monday night. my mom is coming on friday, i have two friends coming in august, trips in september, another fabulous show to go to in august with yet another band from the bay area and polar bear club, which i hear is a fabulous band to see. i have places to see, people to meet (including myself), life to live, love to give. i have so many things to look forward to its ridiculous. i get to go to school and learn something new, and something i will be able to give to people. i get to think about where i'd like to live after texas, if i ever decide to leave, and if i'm still in school its a toss up between SF and Orange County. If I'm out of school, its a toss up between SF and somewhere that snows on Christmas. i'm not worried about where to go next, but its fun to think about. also fun to think about is my kids. i will save that topic for another blog, because its a good topic and i think it deserves its own space. i've realized that living one day at a time doesnt mean i cant think about the future, but that i cant worry about it. its still important to think ahead, and to have goals, and dreams, and hope for what may come. i just need to be less rigid in how i get there, and a little more flexible in my planning. oh my god. you mean the world doesnt revolve around me? damn straight. its cool. it still revolves, and amazing things happen, and everything always ends up ok in the end anyway, even if its not always on my schedule.
new glasses. new song.
posts to look forward to: my life as a mom, movie magic time, and my favorite moments of the last year the photo edition (july to july).
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