fuck everything.

so, i pride myself on how honest i am, and today is no different. know how i feel today? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK. fuck everything. fuck you, fuck me, fuck everyone. fuck sobriety and addiction and recovery and withdrawals and this stupid fucking program and the stupid fucking people who tell me to keep coming back. fuck having a fuse the size of a fucking mosquito. fuck feeling anxious and panicky out of nowhere. fuck taking a long, hard look at my life. fuck amends and apologies and forgiveness and fuck liars and thieves and fuck california and fuck texas and fuck this stupid computer that doesnt work for shit even though its brand new and fuck my dog that i dont want to take care of and i cant afford and get no help paying for, even though i was promised help. fuck promises because they all end up broken anyway. fuck getting close to anyone. fuck trusting anyone. fuck making new friends. fuck friends who know you better than you know yourself and fuck feeling hurt and angry and sad and happy and resentful and confused and discouraged and fuck losing hope in everything you had put stock in to. fuck three meals a day. fuck wearing seatbelts. fuck starting school tomorrow and fuck red lights and fuck having to do laundry and fuck not being able to talk to people you want to talk to because you cant get ahold of them. fuck selfish people. fuck pride and stubborness and cockroaches and being broke and not having a bike to ride and a city too hilly to ride it in. fuck commitment and fuck love and fuck strangers who think they have it all figured out and fuck the little kid who wants the 3rd cupcake back in the second row because it has a little more blue in the frosting that doesnt taste any different than the red or the yellow or the purple. fuck feeling this way. fuck never being able to pick a song of the day that i really want because they arent bands that put out music videos. fuck these headaches and not being able to sleep. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.